so, times are tough. between the pain, the migraines, and the sleep problems, i'm completely debilitated.


there, wanted to get it out there before i wuss out. i'll have a much longer post when i'm feeling up to it, but i  need to say a couple things before i quickly wrap up because, like i said before, i might wuss out.


for reasons that i truely do not understand, i'm so scared to let people know that i'm not doing too well. i know that its not that i don't trust people, i have quite a few people that i trust with anything and everything. i guess i'm afraid to look weak or feel like people pitty me.

before i get into my ideas as to why, i'm going to stop myself because i know that i'll chicken out and just not post this, and i very much want to post this.

if your still reading this...thanks. its you guys who i want to let in. i love you all so much and i am so, so, so very sorry for being so distant for so long. i know that this is going to take a long time to work through, but i'm making a promise to all of you that i'm going to do my best, because you guys are my inpiration, the fact that you call care for me so much, it makes me want to be better and to be able to let you in and let you truely help me.

i promise i'm doing the best i can, its nothing personal against anyone, its my own crazy insecurities that i'm currently trying really hard to work through. i know its going to take longer than i want it too, but hey, at least its a start......isn't that step 1, admiting you have a problem? ;)

so yeah, i owe you all a giant freakin update, but thats going to happen on one of those rare nights that I actually have sleep, w00t.

as for right now, i'm just in a really crappy mood and needed to complain to someone/the masses of the internet. i'm really really f*ckin sick of the spiraling downward where i'm constantly grasping yet everything is just out of reach.

i know that my brain is a conniving bastard and likes to mess with me, but apparently its been in a particularly feisty mood. its also been in cahoots with my hormones for some freakin reason, which has made the past few weeks just super super fun.

i just really need to begin trusting my instincts as to what i need, even thought it might inconvenience some one. i also need the balls to just swallow my pride & ask. i'll just get on that now :-P ...... ugh




i'll try not to disappear for ages again...

so, things are starting to look up, i'll have a big update when i can, but i wanted to say a couple things real quick

a) CONGRATS TO EVERYONE WHO'S GRADUATED/GRADUATING

b) thank goodness everyone is coming home for summer

c) i miss ALL you guys, and really, really, really appreciate all the response i got from my last post. i know i never responded, i was in a pretty major funk, but I did and still do really appreciate it.



keep your fingers crossed for me, i think we're gettin there

so its time i start being honest with myself and start telling people how i really feel, rather than just saying everythings ok.


everything is not ok.


to those who have been there for me past and present....i thank you. you are what makes it all worth it. i shall never forget what you all have done for me.

to those i've lost contact with.....i truly am sorry. i've wanted to do something about it so bad for each and every one of you....i just don't know how. maybe this will give you a little bit of insight about what's been going on. its not that i don't love you all, because i really and truly do....but not even that can change things right now.

to those who continue to harass me even though i have so many issues.....you're crazy, but i love you and appreciate everything you do.



gabe's response after insulting me: if i didn't make fun of every little thing, how would you know i secretly love them?
(sorry for the overabundance of commas, i tend to do that when i'm writing stream-of-consiousness ;))

Ok, seriously though...... when can i catch a break?

The last 2 weeks have been, what one might call, hellish. If I'm to be completely honest with myself, the last, oh probably 3 months have been really bad.

Between the totally screwed up sleep, waaaay too often migraines, horrible pain flairs and serious stomach issues, things have just been really tough. And I keep saying that they seems to be looking up, but if, again, to be totally honest with myself, but they're not.

Oh, for those of you who haven't heard (which I'd be surprised if you did ‘cause it happened yesterday) Gabe got a job!!! According to him, he is the "office b*tch" of Jenny Craig! Pay's not amazing, but we get a massive discount on food, which will help. And hey, any money coming in will help! And while I’m really happy that things are getting better for him, I’m a little frustrated that things are working for him, but not me. But I am really happy for him, as frustrating as it can be.

 

And the main point of this post is to apologize to everyone about how out of it I have been lately. I’ve been barely able to leave the house, or even answer the phone most of the time! And the longer it lasts, the worse I feel, but I can’t seem to pull myself out of it. I’m really going to try to do things better and make some phone calls to you important people. I really hope to see you guys, and now, I’m going to try (and probably fail, but I hope not) sleep.

 

I’m going to write more when I can, try to explain things a little bit, both so you guys can know and to help me sort some things out, but I feel now is not the time. Hope you guys are doing well.

 

*OH, I forgot to note one of the few good things in my life! Since you might have figured out since he as a job there, Gabe and I joined Jenny Craig to lose some weight. So far, after 4 weeks, I have lost 11.2 lbs and he has lost 16 lbs. They warned us that he was going to lose a ton in the beginning and then plateau, and I will keep losing, but I still hate him/am proud of him. So yeah, keep your fingers crossed for us, and make sure we stay on track ;)*

RIP Heath Ledger


what is happening to Hollywood these days?

ok, seriously.

can i go just one day without a migraine?




please?

so, I owe you guys a massive update, and I will do as much as I can.


so yeah, thats the kitties. now to the not so happy stuff


and on to school


and now for love - awwwww-


so, thats about all I can think of for the moment, there probably will be more when I'm more awake, but we'll see.

OH! If you want to see my europe pics, all of them are on my myspace at http://www.myspace.com/sherlock1_98 then click on my picture on the upper left, or you can look at my facebook if we are friends on facebook, but they are not quite all of them, oooor, you can look at them on Yorkphoto.com, i think the link is http://www.yorkphoto.com/photolibrary/t_=112926299, but no promises. Lemme know if you want to see them and are unable to!

so, after all that, i'm going to end on a silly/happy note....with a picture of a very fat kitty:



p.s. 17-0 baby, Glendale here we come!

16-0 baby!!!!!

so its been a really long time since I went to Europe this summer, but I am just getting all the pictures on-line

I WARN YOU NOW, THERE IS A TOOOON, OF THEM! like, literally over 500, and thats just the ones i kept!

currently, they are all (yes, all, every single one i took ~ and renee took~ that i'm keeping) up on my myspace, so you can go there to view them ( www.myspace.com/sherlock1_98 ), just go to the link and click on my picture in the upper left corner, and then from there it should be self-explanitory.

they will soon be on facebook, but its being annoying right now.



things have been....well...wierd here in my life these days, but i guess you could say they are getting better. more details when i'm in a better mood, if that ever happens, ugh

patriots game = un-FREAKING-believable!!!

the ravens lost it for themselves.....TWICE!



holy mother!



and they caught the hail mary, but were tackeled 2 yards away from the n-zone!!!!

rarely football is seen like this!


go pats 12-0!



*real post soon to come*

my friends mom just passed away this morning. she's had Leukemia for a few years and got an infection this morning that she wasn't strong enough to fight.

i'm not going to disclose who it was for a bit, just in case someone who knew her doesn't know. LJ is not the way to find this information.

please take a moment to appreciate those in your life you love and honor those you have lost, i know i will.

RIP

Alrighty, so first entry in a long time, but it seems like this is really the first chance I’ve gotten to really *breath* in a while.

Currently, I'm in Arizona. Spent the past 2 days with my mom's side of the family for a reunion, most of them I’d never met before. It was fun though, however stressful/busy it might have been. But I’m super psyched for the next 2 days which I get to spend with my ASU people.

So, lesse, last you guys heard, I was in Spain. HOLY CRAP was that trip amazing! I’ll have much more detail on that when I’ve actually gotten sleep and it’s not 9:45 am. I was going to take a summer school class, but actually ended up having Wisdom Teeth surgery with some major complications. Nothing like 2 dry sockets…twice. Yeah, totally awesome. But at least its over. So then I spent most of the summer apartment hunting, which brings me to my next big bit of news….

Gabe and I got an apartment together in Daly City! Which is so uuuber awesome because 1) its just us and the kitties (more on them in a bit) 2) it’s just south of the city and 10 mins away from school for both of us, which is awesome and 3) it’s in a really awesome spot with a pretty forest backyard in a quite building…blah, blah, blah, basically everything about has been great *knock on wood*. So if you haven’t come to visit, you MUST! We’ve had quite a bit of company so far, and they seemed to enjoy themselves, so most everyone is welcome most any time, just give us a few minutes heads up and head on over!

Which brings me to the kitties. We adopted Champy (he’s blond and was named Champagne, but we call him Champy to give him a hint of masculinity, haha) from our friend Leskin about 8 months ago and up until we moved, he had a buddy to play with in the form of Gabe’s roommate’s kitty. But, after we moved, he got rather bored, and ANNOYING! So mid-September, we adopted an adorable 3-month-old female kitten which we named Lia. She was really sick with a kitty cold when we got her and she’s just getting better, which is great. But yeah, they are cute.

And that’s about all the massively important things that have happened to me recently. Just going to school and trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, but that’s another entry for another time. Now I nap until we head over to Tempe for lunch.

 

And I promise to update again very soon with the relevant information I promised above.

Peace out, yo! ;)

first of all:

HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY to
piper47

for she is amazing and deserves the best birthday in the whole wide world
only 2 hrs late


secondly:

I saw a public service ad for Fibromyalgia today and I got really excited because i thought "hey cool, maybe now people will understand" or something, and it told me to go to this website for more information.

guess who sponsored the website...........freaking PFIZER! a freakin drug company trying to pedal their product, that doesn't even freakin work. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, to make matters worse, they had these "7 tips to better living" or something, and it sounded like the person who wrote it didn't know anything ABOUT Fibromyalgia! I could have written something 5 times better! Two of the things on there actually would be BAD to do if you had Fibro, but whatever, what would I know about that?



What the HELL people?




ok, sorry, i'm done now. Happy birthday honey, hope you had an amazing time at the concert and aren't too deaf.
*LOVES*

Alright, I'm here in Granada, its 3:21pm local time, 6:21am California time. I figured since we have a little down time, I would give everyone an update of what has been happening. Ok, here's a rough outline.




May 26      -6:00am - 8:15am: flight OAK-LGB(long beach)
                 -8:25am - 5:00pm: flight LGB-JFK
                    -i made a friend at the airport, another girl who was going to Spain, and we hung out right until the flight, which was REALLY nice,
                      otherwise the 4 hrs would have sucked
                -9:00pm - 10:00am: flight JFK-Madrid!!!
May 27     -took an hr to get bags and then 20 bus ride to other bus station
                -1:00pm - 6:30pm: bus Madrid-Granada
                            *FINALLY arrive 29 hrs after leaving my house*
               -Alex and Renee picked me up at the bus station, and we came back to the apt and had dinner, watched a movie, which i fell asleep during
May 28     -woke up, went to the bank, post office, Kebab King for lunch (delish)
                -came back, Alex and Renee went out and I rested
                -they came back, we hung around, then went out and got food, then went to this tea place where they gave us free Crepes with our drinks
                -also met some of Alex's friends from school, they were awesome, one of them (andrew) is coming with us on our various outings


And here we are, today, woke up at noon, ate yummy indian food that Alex made, and now we are going to some park where there is awesome fountains and grass, and just general awesomeness. more about that stuff later as we are going to leave momentarily.

miss you all, pictures to come

alright, so i'm off to spain iiiiiiiiiiiiinn...... 7 hours-ish

well, acutally i won't be in Granada for anther about 32hrs what with the 25 hours of travel and all, but hey, at least i will be moving in the right direction soon.

first its a week in Granada, then 2 days in Barcelona, then 2 in Paris, 1 in Madrid, then a little over 2 weeks in Boston.

i'm so stoked, but as for now, i must finish packing!! ugh, cross your fingers for me!

so apparently my dad bought me "special" cookies for a rough night


i asked my mom why there were just two cookies, and she told me, i'm not sure how long they have been there

wow

Alright all, I'm alive and sick, but hey, what's new.

I don't have much time for an update because I'm studying for a final tomorrow, but I just wanted to check in.

For those of you who don't know, I'm going to SPAIN in 2 weeks!!!!!!!!! so freakin excited. we'll be in Madrid, Granada (most of the time), Malaga, and Barcelona. we are also going to visit Paris, and maybe Morocco and Gibraltar. so completely unbelievable! after I get back, I'll be in Boston for 3 weeks, so if your in the Bay Area and want to see me before I leave for month, call me.

Also, for those of you who I haven't seen in person, there is more news... I'm engaged!

While some of you may say, hey, haven't you been engaged for, like, ever? Yeah, we have been talking about it for a while, but he finally got me a purdy diamond ring. And yes, I must give most credit to Kate and Ryan (the roommates) because they got engaged and thus gave me an opportunity to harass Gabe for a ring, so Kate and I got rings basically within 2 weeks of each other. Gabe's mom graciously donated the diamond, so he only had to worry about the setting, which sped the process up greatly. I promise I'll put up pictures as soon as I have ones that are actually good and you can actually see the ring. Its very pretty, it has the main stone and a little side stone along with a matching wedding band which brings another side stone. So, when the thing is all together, its a 3-stone deal. Meh, its hard to describe, I'll just have to work on the pictures.

ok, sleep time now, talk to you guys sooooon!

i got a new hair cut, and a new color, i like it all very much!

i'll have a much more significant update when i have more energy, but i wanted to let you all know i'm alive and relatively well.

dude, there was just an earthquake!!


4.2 centered in lafayette, but mom and i felt it very strongly!! charlie got scared and sat in my lap, hehe. but we're all fine, just a bit nerve racking, haha